Bad Luck Comes In Threes
by KnightMysterio
Summary: Ranma's day starts out well.  But then it goes downhill from there, thanks to Mousse, Soun, and Nodoka... Rated for comedic violence.  Was originally a oneshot, but due to some comments, I've decided to continue the story...  I'll make this good, I swear.


**_BAD LUCK COMES IN THREES_**

_A Ranma ½ Fanfiction by KnightMysterio_

_Author's Note: All characters are copyrighted to their original owners and used without permission for non-profit amusement purposes. Mukuro is not Principal Kuno's real name, it's just something I decided to call him. Setting is one year after the end of the manga, with two events having happened that will be revealed below…_

_Nerima…_

_Yet another insane morning…_

_But not in the usual way…_

"Kasumi, is this really necessary?" Akane whimpered, rubbing her aching skull as she sat on the floor, a pile of shattered hammers around her.

Kasumi, an uncharacteristic grimace on her face, sipped her coffee and prepped another hammer.

"Yes. It is," her voice more like that of a stern sensei rather than her usual housewifey one, "I respect the fact that you and Ranma are trying to get along, get serious about being husband and wife. But I had no idea you were so far behind on your bridal training. And while your cooking HAS gotten better, it's gotten better in the sense that Grandfather is less irritating after stealing panties and settling down to count his latest find."

Ranma giggled to himself, biting his lip to keep from laughing out loud. _Karmic payback! Yeeeeheeheehee!_

Happosai shook his head. "Never knew ol' Kasumi had it in her," he said, visibly impressed.

"Even I have my limits," Kasumi said, grumbling as she took out the casserole Akane had made for her latest test, "I'm going to make a bride out of her even if it kills her."

Ranma couldn't resist. "Don't say that around Kodachi, Shampoo, or Ukyo, they may take you up on it."

Nabiki smirked. "Don't worry about them, Ranma. Just sit back and enjoy this."

Kasumi set the casserole down in front of Akane. It bubbled in an unappetizing fashion.

"Eat," Kasumi said.

Akane whimpered.

Kasumi's eyes narrowed, and she brandished the hammer.

Akane gulped nervously. "Is this what you feel like when I get mad at you Ranma?"

Ranma grinned. "Nah. You'd need to get blamed for something that wasn't your fault and then get launched into the atmosphere. But you're starting to get it," he said.

Nabiki couldn't help it. She had to laugh.

Akane picked up a fork and sampled the casserole. Almost as soon at it hit her tongue, she felt sick. She grabbed the nearby trashcan and threw up in it.

Kasumi sipped her coffee again, the beginnings of a migraine making a vein in her head pulse. "From what I can tell, you did twenty things wrong with that dish. Tell me what they are."

Genma, more relaxed than he had been in years since his wife released he and Ranma from the suicide pact, calmly sat on the floor in panda form, munching bamboo and watching the spectacle. Most amusing was Akane picking through the casserole to see what she did wrong.

"Such a fine day," read the first of many signs that Genma produced, "And Kasumi, your father would be proud of you. You take care of the house so wonderfully, and yet show the determination and skill of a true martial arts sensei. You do both your parents great honor."

Kasumi actually managed to smile. "Thank you, Mr. Saotome. But right now I'm concerned with Akane getting this right before I give her a concussion," she said, turning back to Akane, "That's eleven things wrong. What are the other nine?"

"I'm thinking, I'm thinking…" Akane said.

Genma looked around, and produced a new sign. "Come to think of it, where is Soun, anyway? I haven't seen him all morning?"

Nabiki shrugged. "He said something about a business appointment."

Ranma smirked. "Who cares? This is great. Payback for all the malletings from Akane, her actually learning how to cook, plus that Aloha Nutcase principal is only holding a half-day of school! As far as I'm concerned, nothing can go wrong today!"

Somewhere, a mischievous God started laughing…

_Kuno Estate…_

Soun Tendo calmly walked into the area of the almost palatial estate of the Kuno family that belonged to the head of the family. The servants greeted him politely, and led him through the transplanted and well-maintained tropical foliage. The sound of ukulele music became louder and louder as they came into a clearing, a bamboo standing hut sitting in the middle. The servants bowed to Soun and left him. He looked up at the hut, and prayed that he wasn't making a mistake.

Working up his courage, and silently grateful that he hadn't met up with either of the Kuno children (yet), he went up the ladder into the hut.

Inside, sitting on a beach chair directed towards the sunrise, a coconut cup with a fruit-smelling drink nearby, was Principal Kuno. His perpetually tanned form glowed in the rays of the sun, a cheerful smile seemingly plastered on his face, his eyes hidden by a pair of sunglasses. The tiny palm tree in his hair bobbed to the beat as he played his ukulele.

"Kuno-san," Soun said, coughing to get the principal's attention, "I believe you wanted to discuss something with me?"

The ukulele abruptly stopped. Principal Kuno looked up, confused for a moment. His eyes seemed to fix on Soun's long hair, the elder Tendo suddenly realizing what was going on. Moving with quickness that surprised Soun, the Principal lunged at Soun, producing a pair of hair clippers.

"Buzz cuts for de boys!" Principal Kuno bellowed as he charged Soun.

"I think not!" Soun said, dodging expertly and Judo-flipping the deranged Principal out of the hut. The Principal laughed, bouncing off of a palm tree, coming around again with incredible speed. But Soun was ready this time.

"TENDO SCHOOL OF ANYTHING GOES MARTIAL ARTS SPECIAL TECHNIQUE: BLADE DANCE!"

Ranma only knew partially of what the Tendo branch of the Anything Goes style was. In truth, only Genma and Happosai could appreciate what Soun was capable of when riled. As Soun had let the training of his daughters lapse, they couldn't use the full array of techniques available to the Tendo branch of the Anything Goes school. Only Akane could even partially use the sorcery inherent in the Tendo style, which allowed her use of her seemingly endless supply of mallets. Some would say that Mousse used a similar style, and to an extent, they'd be right. Mousse could summon the weapons. But SOUN could make the weapons dance.

As the Principal came back again, Soun reached behind his back and produced a naginata. But as he brought it to the Principal's neck, forcing the deranged educator to stop in his tracks, he also produced a sword, which flew up and thrust itself at Principal Kuno's face, stopping just short of his nose. A pair of sai also flew out, hovering just short of stabbing Principal Kuno in the heart.

"Now," Soun said, his voice low and intense, "I believe you called me here to discuss a business matter, and not give me a haircut. Are you ready to be reasonable? Or do I have to take a little off the top?"

The Principal blinked, and grinned, finally remembering. "Oooh, me be sorry, big kahuna! Sometimes me get so wrapped in me music, me forget what me be doin'! Sit down, and have a drink wit' me!"

"Very well," Soun said, banishing the sword and sai but keeping the naginata with him. He and the Principal sat down on the pair of beach chairs that had been set up. The Principal poured Soun a drink, which he accepted gratefully.

"Me just wantin' you to be knowin' a couple t'ings. First off, me Tacchi want me to say dat he no be boddarin' da little wahine Akane anymore!"

Soun nodded, sipping his drink. _Akane will be pleased to hear that. _

The Principal chuckled, and continued. "Yah, he also be extendin' some melodramatic apology dat me deliberately forget 'cause it too long winded and he be cryin' t'roo half of it."

Soun chuckled, "Yes, that does sound like standard fair from your son, Kuno-san."

"Please, big kahuna, no need for de formalities! We be old friends before me head to Hawaii! You can be callin' me Mukuro if I can be callin' you Soun!"

Soun nodded. "That's fine. Was there anything else, Mukuro?"

The Principal nodded. "Ja. What joo be knowin' about de pig-tailed wahine dat sometimes call herself Ranma?"

Soun choked on his drink. "Well… Her name, actually, is Ranko. Ranko Tendo. She's just a big fan of Ranma's."

The Principal looked interested. "Hm? Tendo? She annuder daughta o' yours?"

"Neice, actually. She's Akane's cousin. She just comes over sometimes to visit," Soun said, wondering where this was going.

The Principal nodded, looking serious for once. "Where her family be? Tacchi decide he want to be married to de pig-tailed girl, and bein' da lovin' fadda dat I am, I decided to arrange it fo' him."

Soun gagged. _Oh boy… _"Well… My sister died a while ago… Ranko lives by herself mostly. I guess you could say that we're as much her family as anything."

The Prinicpal frowned, and looked at a piece of paper on the table next to him. He brightened, and turned back to Soun. "Den dis work out all around! Howzabout choo be arrangin' de marriage to Tacchi for me?"

Soun gulped nervously, desperately trying to think of a way out this. _Maybe I could just claim that she's a lesbian… When Ranma's a girl, after all, she does still hold her male attractions…_ "Err… Mukuro old friend, I just couldn't…"

The Principal pshawed and pulled out a large suitcase. "Aahh, don' be like dat! De fine young wahine like her need a big strong man like Tacchi to take care of her! I also be bringin' da big fun, ya! Special big time dowry for me old friend Soun!"

The Principal opened the suitcase, revealing a gloriously large amount of yen, more than Nabiki brought back in a month.

_My god… All that money…_Soun thought, _We wouldn't have to worry about bills for a year, even WITH Genma and Ranma's appetite! But… N-no! I can't do that to the boy… _

The Principal looked confused. "It not be enough? 'Cause me got another suitcase wit' de same amount in it…" he said, pulling out another suitcase and opening it.

_… Forgive me, my beloved wife, but this money is too good to pass up,_ Soun thought. "That will be fine," Soun said, grinning widely and accepting the suitcases, "I will let Ranko know the happy news!" _Buddha help me, I've turned into Genma… _he thought as he left the bamboo hut.

"Oooh, 'dis be a happy day indeed! I find two wonderful childrens to marry me Tacchi an' me Kocchi!" the Principal said, pouring himself a new drink and toasting the sun.

Soun blinked. "You say your daughter is engaged as well?"

Principal Kuno nodded. "Ya! It was de big fun, Soun me boy! I meet up wit' de motha of Ranma Saotome and talk her into makin' it official between him an' me Kocchi!"

_NODOKA engaged Ranma to Kodachi!? _Soun thought, utterly incredulous, "Err… Tell me, Mukuro old friend. Can I ask you one more thing?"

Principal Kuno checked his watch. "Make it quick, me friend. Me gotta get ready for school after lunch."

Soun forced a smile onto his face. "Could you tell me where Nodoka is now?"

Principal Kuno grinned and nodded. "Betta dan dat, I have me personal chauffeur take you dere!"

_A park a few blocks away from the Kuno estate…_

"Thank you," Soun said to the driver of the limousine, who also helped Soun get his suitcases of money out. He bowed, and the driver responded in kind before driving away. He sighed, picking up the suitcases of money, and looking around for Nodoka. She eventually spotted her, looking elegant in her flower-print kimono, sitting on a bench with a distressed expression on her face, a single suitcase of money sitting next to her.

Snorting softly, he went over to sit on the bench with her.

"Nodoka," he said by way of greeting.

Nodoka actually yipped, having been startled out of her thoughts. "Soun! Um… hello!"

The two grinned awkwardly and went back to staring at the park.

"So…" Soun said.

"So…" Nodoka said.

Soun frowned, and turned to Nodoka. "You knew Ranma was engaged to Akane, AND that they were getting more serious about following through on it! Why did you let Mukuro go through with this engagement to Kodachi?"

Nodoka grinned weakly. "Well…" she said, "I'm not sure how it happened. He just kept talking and talking… There were flowers, and pineapples, and coconuts involved, I think… I was so confused at the end…" She shook her head, and scowled at Soun, gesturing to the briefcases. "And you're one to talk. What did you do? Engage Akane to that Kuno boy?"

Soun winced. "No…"

Nodoka frowned. "One of your other daughters, then."

Soun shook his head.

It finally dawned on her. "Oh Soun… You didn't…"

Soun nodded.

The two of them sat there on the park, watching the cherry blossom petals float by.

After a moment, Soun said, "You realize, of course, that Ranma is going to kill us both for this."

Nodoka whimpered. "We need to fix this…" she said, pulling out her cellular phone.

Neither of them noticed the tiny black pig, who had heard the whole thing, trotting off at high speed.

_The Cat Café… _

_Several minutes later…_

"[Happy birthday, Shampoo!" Mousse said in his native Chinese, the bespectacled Amazon boy grinning from ear to ear as he came up to his beloved, who was busy sweeping up the shop, preparing for the lunch rush.

Shampoo frowned, and brushed a lock of purple hair out of her faces. She had warmed up to Mousse more since the wedding fiasco, but she was still dedicated to winning Ranma. Also, his overly-intense affection still got on her nerves from time to time. "What stupid duck boy want?" she said in her broken Japanese, mainly because she knew it annoyed him. Over a year here and she still had yet to get the hang of the language…

Mousse's grin didn't falter. "[Is that any way to talk to the man who brought you just what you wanted?" he said.

Shampoo smirked, and leaned on her broomstick. "Oh? Stupid duck-boy bring Ranma tied up and naked on silver platter?"

The dirty look Mousse gave Shampoo would have melted diamonds. "You MUST be kidding…"

The elder Cologne, sitting nearby and smoking a pipe, nearly choked on her laughter.

Shampoo just grinned lazily. "Then what Mousse bring Shampoo?"

Mousse smirked. "Think about it."

Shampoo grumbled. _Just what I wanted, huh… Well, it's obviously not Ranma… So that leaves… … No… He DIDN'T!!!_

Mousse grinned widely as a slow smile spread over Shampoo's face. She ran outside and gasped in joyous surprise.

"Nihao!" said the Jusenkyo Guide, leaning on the vat of Jusenkyo water he had brought with him.

Cologne followed Shampoo out, Mousse following soon after. Cologne was visibly impressed. "Is that…" she asked.

"Yes!" the Jusenkyo Guide said, "Very special Spring of Drowned Girl! Mousse order special! Request so touching, I just have to bring it!"

Shampoo giggled happily, and hugged Mousse tightly, showering him with kisses. She then smirked, tapping him lightly on the nose. "[Special circumstances," she said, "[Don't look too much into it."

Mousse, his mind frazzled beyond repair for the moment, just nodded and let out a vague quacking noise, wandering about randomly.

The Jusenkyo Guide got a serious expression on his face, and said. "Had to make special concentrate, so it not lose magic powers. Only work once, so jump in quick!"

"Aiyah," Shampoo said, giggling happily, bouncing up and down in a way that made several male passers-by start to get a nosebleed, "No more cat Shampoo!"

She crouched down, getting ready to leap into the tub-sized vat of Jusenkyo water, when a very familiar sound rang out…

"Ranma you JERK!!" **WHAM**!!

Shampoo barely managed to dodge as Ranma came crashing down near her.

"Ow…" he said, picking himself up out of the crater he made, "Okay, I admit, I deserved that one…" He looked up, and realized where he was. "Oh geez, she knocked me this far? I better get moving. No WAY I'm giving that lunatic principal reason to go after me today!"

Ranma got up, preparing to leap over the vat and go on his way, not realizing what was in it. But he mistimed his jump, his foot catching the edge of the vat and tipping it over…

…right onto a still dazed Mousse.

Ranma flipped up onto the outstretched light pole, and began to super-jump from pole to pole, not realizing his mistake.

Shampoo watched in horror, similar looks of dismay on Cologne and the Jusenkyo Guide's faces as Mousse thrashed and sputtered about in the water, his body glowing slightly as he changed form.

But instead of a duck, there was a buxom, slender young woman in Mousse's clothes thrashing about in the water.

"Aiyah," the Jusenkyo Guide said, "His curse changed now!"

Mousse and Shampoo stared at the Jusenkyo Guide in shock. Cologne frowned. "Is that even possible?"

The Jusenkyo Guide nodded. "Is true. Because he doused in concentrated Spring of Drowned Girl, he now become girl in cold water instead of duck!"

Mousse blinked, and removed her glasses. Apparently she didn't need them in her new cursed form. "Gods…" she said, staring in horrified fascination at her new breasts.

Shampoo looked from the drenched Mousse to Ranma's retreating form with growing anger. "MOUSSE!" she snapped, "Go defend Shampoo's honor!"

Mousse blinked. _My beloved has given me a task! And it involves hurting Ranma! Oh happy day!_

Mousse leaped to her feet, flinging flecks of water off of her clothes, and ran after Ranma, screaming in a rage. "RANMA! YOU SHALL PAY FOR RUINING MY PRESENT TO SHAMPOO!"

Cologne frowned. Something didn't feel right about this…

Shampoo nodded, satisfied, and went back into the restaurant to finish her sweeping. Cologne sighed, unable to shake her bad feeling, and went into the kitchen to start things up.

The Jusenkyo Guide frowned, and followed them in. "Mousse go to fight Ranma, yes?"

Shampoo nodded. "Shampoo trust Mousse to do right by her. He good for that much, at least."

The Jusenkyo Guide nodded. "What if Mousse win?"

Shampoo paused, and then smiled softly. "Then fiancée problem Shampoo have resolve itself. Shampoo just marry fiancée that actually want her…" she said, unable to keep the bitterness out of her voice.

The Jusenkyo Guide frowned, removing his cap to scratch his head. "What if Mousse lose?"

Shampoo shrugged. "Mousse loses to Ranma all the time," Cologne said, "It would be nothing new."

"Yes, but…" the Jusenkyo Guide said, "…Mousse is woman now."

"So?" Shampoo asked, her tone annoyed.

"Well," the Jusenkyo guide asked, "Don't rules of Amazon tribe say that ALL womens of Amazon tribe who lose to outsider male have to marry him?"

Shampoo froze, a horrified look coming from her face as all the color drained from her body. Cologne just clutched her head, groaning, "Gods above, I'm far too old for this…"

Shampoo dashed out of the store, following Mousse at top speed and trampling the Jusenkyo Guide in the process. Cologne sighed, checked to see if the Jusenkyo Guide would live, and closed the store for the day, hopping off after her granddaughter, hoping it wouldn't be too late.

_Furinkan High… _

_Several minutes later…_

"Dammit, Mousse, I'm sorry that your present got wrecked, I'm sorry your curse got switched (it could be a LOT WORSE), but that's NO REASON to take it out on me!" Ranma snarled, dodging a flurry of throwing knives, getting knocked into the air when the bombs attached to them exploded.

"DIE SAOTOME!" Mousse shrieked, her rage increasing with every moment. She was now throwing out so much battle aura that the next flurry of chains she launched took on a life of their own, attacking Ranma like serpents.

"Screw this," Ranma muttered as he landed, and began to start dodging. Aside from the rude comment to Akane that had gotten him a Low Earth Orbit trip and almost made him late, his day had been going beautifully. Then a sopping wet girl who turned out to be Mousse showed up and started trying to murder him, screaming something about a ruined birthday present. He was interested to know that Mousse had convinced the Jusenkyo Guide to bring over some water for Shampoo, and was planning on convincing the guy (if he was still around), to take him back to China to undo his curse. However, it would have to wait until after he stopped Mousse from trying to kill him AGAIN.

The other students, along with Akane and Ukyo, watched as Mousse made another futile attempt on Ranma's life. Akane and Ukyo in particular were losing interest in the fight, as it became readily apparent that Ranma was leading Mousse into the Hiryu Shoten Ha.

"So Akane," Ukyo said, idly fidgeting with her giant battle spatula, "What's with the icepack?"

Akane winced, fingering the lumps on her head that the icepack was trying to heal. "Kasumi's taken a drill sergeant approach to my bridal training. I finally managed to produce something that just tasted bad instead of being totally inedible, though…"

Ukyo chuckled, the sound wistful. She had mostly given up on Ranma as a husband, but still held feelings for her Ranma-honey.

Akane winced again, and smirked to Ukyo. "What I'd like to know is if what Ranma said about the position he found you and Konatsu in last week?"

Ukyo blushed furiously. "Yes… Well… Those were… ah… manliness lessons!"

"Manliness lessons."

Ukyo grinned weakly. "Is it so wrong to want a boyfriend that's manlier than I am?"

Akane grinned. "So are the lessons going well?"

Ukyo blushed again, idly twiddling her fingers. "Well… Let's just say that Ranma's not the only 'stallion' in Nerima…"

Now it was Akane's turn to blush.

"HIRYU SHOTEN HA!"

A powerful whirlwind and Mousse's muffled scream of rage signified the end of the fight. Akane and Ukyo watched her flight pattern, and moved to the side as she came crashing down, wrapped up in her own chains.

Ranma snorted, and came over to Mousse, picking her up by the chain wrapped around her chest, glaring at her. "Give up now?"

Mousse scowled, and turned away, her expression submissive but furious. "You win… this time…"

"AIYAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" came Shampoo's horrified screech, surprising everyone.

Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, Mousse, and the rest of the schoolyard turned to see Shampoo running towards them, a horrified expression on her face

"You… You beat Mouse?!?" Shampoo said, "Aiyah…"

Ranma frowned. "This is a switch, you actually being concerned about Mousse being pounded on," he said.

Mousse frowned. "Beloved, I am fine! The defeat was no worse than others he has given me!"

Shampoo was going through a series of facial gymnastics that under other circumstances would have been amusing. Finally, she found her voice. "STUPID, STUPID AIREN!!!"

Ranma flinched, as if struck, Akane and Ukyo looking on with shock. "Another first," Ukyo muttered, "Shampoo insulting Ranma."

Shampoo fell her knees, laughing insanely. "Aiyah…" she wailed.

Mousse blinked, concerned for Shampoo, and began to wiggle out of her chains. Cologne leaped onto the schoolyard and frowned. "It appears I am too late to stop the fight…"

Ranma scowled. "What's going on?"

Cologne shook her head. "Don't you get it yet?"

Mousse frowned. "All I know is that after I lost, Shampoo showed up, insulted Ranma, and went comatose."

Cologne scowled at him. "With good reason, young lady," she said, slashing at Mousse's chains with her cane, freeing the Amazon boy-turned-girl from her bonds.

Mousse stared at her, confused. "But… I'm a guy."

Cologne shook her head, her face stern. "Not at the moment. Not until you get splashed with hot water. And you, Amazon, have been defeated by an outsider male. Perform your duty. "

Mousse blinked, confused for a moment. Then she staggered, fully realizing what Cologne meant. Ranma went to support Mousse, helping her back to her feet.

Mousse sighed wearily, and bowed to Cologne. He turned to a very confused Ranma… and kissed him full on the lips.

The entire student body of Furinkan High School facefaulted.

As Nabiki picked herself up, she cursed the fact that she and her minions didn't think to bring cameras. This was pure gold, especially the expression on Ranma's face…

"Bwah…" Ranma said as Mousse broke the kiss.

Mousse smiled sadly, and gently cupped Ranma's cheek with her hand. "Wo ai ni, airen," she said.

Ranma went white with horror, remembering that Shampoo had said the same thing after he had defeated her while in his male form. "W-W-Wait a minute! D-Does this mean…"

Mousse sighed. "Sadly yes. Because I am currently a female of the Amazon tribe, you defeating me means that we are engaged. I am now honor-bound to make you my huh… my huh… my 'husband,'" she said, forcing out the last word.

Ranma gagged.

_Meanwhile…_

_Nearby…_

Hiroshi and Daisuke, Ranma's two closest male friends, traded incredulous looks.

"Sheesh…" Hiroshi said, "Now Ranma's got ANOTHER hot girl engaged to him, and it's someone who's got the same curse as him!"

Daisuke shook his head. "At least Kuno's not here today. That idiot would just make it worse…"

"Where is Kuno, anyway?" Hiroshi asked.

Daisuke shushed him. "Don't jinx it, man. Ranma's having a bad enough day as it is…"

_And it's about to get worse… _Ryoga thought, trotting in pig form towards Akane and Ukyo. Hiroshi and Daisuke noticed the pig, recognized him, and stomped on him.

"Hold it 'P-Chan,'" Hiroshi snapped.

"We are under standing orders from Nabiki to kill you on sight," Daisuke said in his most authoritative voice.

Ryoga squealed and started pulling out signs, a trick he had learned from Genma a few months after the aborted wedding attempt. "I know that. I know that Akane is still very angry with me for finding out that I was P-Chan all this time. But TRUST me, both she and Ranma need to hear what I discovered."

Hiroshi and Daisuke traded looks.

"Tell us first," Daisuke snapped.

Ryoga sighed, and pulled out another sign. "Let me put it this way: Mousse isn't the only new fiancée Ranma got today."

Hiroshi and Daisuke both went wide-eyed.

"I'll go get some hot water…" Hiroshi said after a moment.

_Several minutes later…_

_Tendo household…_

The Kunos all sat at the dinner table, Kodachi and Tatewaki flipping through a series of photos with expressions of growing horror on their faces. Principal Kuno sat near a very amused Happosai, his arms folded, a defiant expression on his face.

Genma, back in human form, turned to Kasumi and asked, "Why did Nabiki save those photos of Ranma's transformation? And for that matter, how did she get them? Our transformations are near instantaneous."

"She got them through a special high speed camera that she got from a suitor as a 'price-of-admission' for a date," Kasumi said, back in 'perfect hostess' mode, "Also, she saved them because she knew there'd be a scenario where the Kunos ABSOLUTELY NEEDED to be convinced that Ranma and Ranko were one in the same. I'd say this qualifies, don't you?"

Genma nodded. "Still, it's hard to believe that YOU, Nodoka, were the one who helped make this mess instead of me. I always thought you were the smarter one in this relationship."

Nodoka just shook her head, sipping her tea, wishing it were something a little stronger.

Soun's teacup suddenly broke.

"Do you feel that, Nodoka?" Soun said, shivering slightly, "A chill wind, like death's touch…"

Nodoka nodded. "Yes… Buddha help me, I've never felt anything so cold…"

Soun frowned. "The boy… he knows…"

Principal Kuno shook his head. "Me no care. Me be payin' da big dowries for dese engagements, me not dissolvin' eitha of them!"

Tatewaki had finally had enough. "Father, how can you SAY THAT?! Bad enough that the one I am engaged to is promised to not one, but several others! And to make matters worse, my betrothed is actually… is actually… UGH! I cannot even bare to think it!" he said, his voice a snarl.

Kodachi just made a strangled squeaking noise, unable to look away from the pictures.

Principal Kuno shook his head again. "Me be puttin' up wit' you bad poetry for too long, Tacchi! You be needin' a good womans to help you get right in the head, and me be choosin' de pig-tailed wahine for you!"

"Curse you, wretched father! I refuse to acknowledge this engagement!" Tatewaki said, brandishing his bokken and starting to attack… only to be clobbered by a thrown hammer from Kasumi, who never lost her 'perfect hostess' smile as she offered Principal Kuno more tea.

Kodachi finally recovered her senses, throwing aside the photos. "Well, unlike my brother, my determination will not falter. The fact that my darling Ranma can change into a girl does not change my love for him! I'm not averse to a sexual encounter with a female."

Principal Kuno smiled, hugging his daughter lovingly. "Oh, me Kocchi. So kind and understandin'!"

Soun, Genma, and Nodoka gave them an irritated look. Tatewaki, who had recovered quickly from the hammer strike, just groaned. "I did not need that image, oh twisted sister."

Kodachi gave him a murderous look, an evil smile on her face. "Then perhaps I should tell you of my other plans for my darling Ranma. Most of them involve my… aheh… special collection…":

Tatewaki turned green, and ran to the bathroom. Nodoka whimpered softly. "I've engaged my son to a lunatic."

Soun and Genma traded worried looks. "'Special Collection?' I'm not sure I like the sound of that, Genma."

"Someone must have cursed my boy in another life…" Genma muttered.

Happosai laughed wildly. "This is better than sitcoms!" he said.

Just then the door evaporated, a furious beyond all measure Ranma standing there, a very annoyed Akane, Ukyo, and an amused Nabiki standing there with them, along with a curious Cologne, a sad, still female Mousse, and a crying Shampoo, who looked like she was trying to figure out a good side to a bad situation.

Ryoga, wisely, decided to stay out of what he soon felt would be ground zero.

Ranma was oozing so much raging battle aura that even the Kunos could notice it.

"YOU…" he snarled when he spotted Nodoka, Genma, and Soun.

Genma frowned. "You can't blame this one on me, boy. I had nothing to do with it."

"YOU…" Ranma snarled, stepping up into the house, the sheer force of his rage making the wood he touched turn to ash.

Nodoka whimpered and hid behind Soun, who grinned nervously. "N-N-Now son, I can explain… I think…"

Tatewaki, who had just come back from the bathroom, frowned as he noticed Ranma. "Believe me, Saotome, the feeling is entirely mutual."

Kodachi just grinned, seemingly ignoring the rampaging battle aura that Ranma was putting out. "Don't worry, my darling Ranma! I'm certain all this will work out!"

Nabiki just giggled. "I think it'd be best if you just be quiet now, Kodachi," she said.

Kodachi scowled at her. "Peasant girl, how dare you…"

Ranma's battle aura suddenly increased, creating the illusion of Ranma turning into a demonic giant. Everyone except a very relaxed Happosai backed away, worried looks on their faces as Ranma stalked towards Soun and Nodoka, who cowered in the face of the furious martial artist.

Happosai calmly looked over Ranma's gathered friends. He spied Mousse, ogled her very female body for a minute, and then turned back to Ranma, smirking. "Lemme guess. You beat Mousse while she was a girl and ended up to engaged to her, didn't you?" he said, idly sipping his tea.

Ranma whirled on Happosai, his battle aura growing larger and larger. "YOU… YOU… YOU…"

Happosai just smirked. _Nervous breakdown in 3… 2… 1… _he thought.

All of a sudden, Ranma's battle aura form vanished with a pop. He sniffled slightly, and then collapsed, sobbing.

"Ranma?!" Akane said, rushing to his side. She blushed brightly, but didn't react as Ranma hugged her tightly, still sobbing.

"Why does everything happen to me?!" he wailed.

Happosai just grinned, calmly eating a rice cake.

Cologne sighed, and poked a pressure point, knocking Ranma unconscious. "Let's let Ranma sleep for a while. I think son-in-law's had enough for today."

No one could argue with that. Akane gently set him on the floor in one corner, and joined everyone else at the dining room table.

Genma chuckled. "To be perfectly honest, I'm surprised this didn't happen sooner."

"Your concern for your son is touching," Nabiki said, "But amusing as this is, we need to fix this somehow. Ranma had enough headaches with just three fiancées and one suitor. Now he's got six fiancées, one cursed like he is and another one engaged to his female side."

Kodachi nodded. "And the solution is simple: Everyone else drop their engagements to Ranma and let me have him."

Naturally, everyone ignored her.

Cologne coughed, getting everyone's attention. "Actually, I may have a solution to this. It involves an ancient and rarely invoked law for situations such as this. It would require most everyone here to be officially made members of my tribe. As Ranma has done a great service for not just us but the world in general when he killed Saffron, I'm certain that the elder council would be willing to make this concession."

Soun gave her a suspicious look. "And that solution would be…?"

"Ranma could simply marry everybody."

Everyone facefaulted at that.

"I… I'm sorry, what?" Nodoka asked as she picked herself up.

"There's an old tribal law that says if a member of the tribe wishes, she may take multiple husbands. Conversely, the law also applies to outsider males who wish to marry several members of the tribe. If Akane, Kodachi, and Ukyo were made members of the tribe, Ranma would be allowed to marry them along with Shampoo and Mousse."

Akane, Nabiki, Kasumi, Shampoo, Ukyo, and Mousse all stared at Cologne with shock. Tatewaki cringed. "I'm afraid to ask, but what about me?"

Cologne glanced at him, and said, "Since Ranma has a female form, after marrying the girls, she would be made a member of the tribe. After that, she would be allowed to take you as a concubine."

Tatewaki gagged. "A… A CONCUNBINE?! To RANMA SAOTOME?!"

Mousse shrugged. "That's pretty much the best a male in our tribe can hope for. Some special concessions were made for me due to my skill as a warrior, but I still had to earn them. So would you," she said.

"This is ridiculous!" Akane said.

"You can't expect us to become Ranma's harem!" Ukyo said, outraged.

"I REFUSE to share my darling Ranma with these harridans!" Kodachi shrieked.

Shampoo was just too stunned to say anything. She simply stared at her grandmother with a horrified, sad expression on her face.

"Bad enough that I am engaged to my nemesis! I REFUSE to be treated as a trophy husband!" Tatewaki bellowed.

"Even _I _think this is wrong!" Nabiki said.

"You can't possibly mean that! Things are crazy enough around here!" Kasumi said.

"Actually," Soun said, "That sounds like a pretty good idea."

Everyone under 25 in the room froze, staring at Soun in shock.

Genma, Nodoka, and Principal Kuno, however, looked interested. "What you mean, Soun?" Principal Kuno asked.

"I think I get it," Genma said, "All the obligations get fulfilled at once, and no one gets hurt because of it! Even Mousse gets what he… she… whatever, Mousse gets to spend time with Shampoo!"

"This is NOT the way I wanted it!" Mousse snapped.

Nodoka grinned widely. "Oh my! My son with his own harem! I can't believe how wonderfully manly he's become!"

Genma chuckled. "True enough, true enough," he said.

Principal Kuno laughed. "Dis be de big fun ya! I love big weddings!"

Soun smiled. "Ah, and we could even let Kasumi and Nabiki marry Ranma! That way the school of Anything Goes Martial Arts would be guaranteed to have an heir!"

"Brilliant, Soun!" Genma said.

Kasumi and Nabiki twitched, furious expressions coming to their faces. Everyone else just stared at the adults in disbelief as they proceeded to decide their destinies for them. Ranma just convulsed slightly.

Cologne grinned, and said, "So it's agreed then?"

"Indeed! A mass wedding at the Amazon village!" Genma said, Soun raising his glass and toasting his friend in agreement.

"Hooha! Dis call for da big luau! Me be providin' da entertainment, me will!" Principal Kuno said.

Nodoka sighed. "What a wonderful day this is!"

Happosai looked over at the gathered youngsters. Akane had brandished the largest hammer he had ever seen her use. Ukyo gripped her battle spatula like a battle axe. Nabiki's fists were clenched, her face almost bestial in her growing fury. Mousse had spawned a pair of deadly-looking swords from her sleeves, while Shampoo produced a pair of bonbori maces. Kodachi, her normally lovely face curled into a furious sneer, readied a handful of clubs, while Kasumi produced a rather large cast iron frying pan, weilding it like one of Akane's hammers. And lastly, Tatewaki was readying his bokken for pain infliction. The combined battle aura they were producing was so intense, Happosai was surprised that everyone didn't notice it.

He looked back to the adults, who were all smiles, discussing their plans for the wedding, then back to the children.

He chuckled softly, finished his rice ball, and then bolted.

Finally, the adults seemed to have finished their discussion. "Children, what do you think of all this?" Soun said.

Then they all noticed the expressions on the faces of the youngsters.

"TAKE A GUESS!!!!" they bellowed in unison, lunging towards the adults.

_Several savage beatings and aerial launchings later…_

_Somewhere over Nerima…_

"I've always kind of wondered what this was like," Cologne said, her tattered robes fluttering in the breeze as she and the other adults, all nursing bruises, cuts and broken bones, flew over the horizon. "It's rather relaxing, just flying through the air like this. So long as you don't think about how you got up here."

"Or the landing," Genma muttered, his face puffy with bruises.

"Me still be t'inkin' dis mass wedding be a good idea…" Principal Kuno said, wincing slightly as he reset his dislocated shoulder.

"I agree," Soun said, "We'll just have to convince them of it once we recover."

_Just outside the Tendo household…_

Ryoga sat near the main gate, watching with amusement as the adults flew out of sight. "All of a sudden, I don't feel so bad about my life anymore."

He sighed, and called Akari on the cellular phone she had given him, asking her to come get him.

_Back inside the house…_

Everyone just stared at the hole in the roof where the adults had exited, breathing heavily. Kasumi dropped her frying pan and shook her head. "I need to talk to Dr. Tofu," she said, grabbing her coat and leaving.

Ukyo sighed, and sheathed her battle spatula, heading. "Konatsu should probably hear about this as well."

Tatewaki and Kodachi just glared at each other for a moment, and then left. "We will contact you," Tatewaki said, "once we've figured something out. Oh, and… we'll send someone over to repair the damages to the dojo…"

"Thanks a mil, Kuno-baby," Nabiki said, sighing and plopping down near the TV, "Ugh, what a day…"

Akane sighed, and picked up Ranma again. He was still unconscious, so she just held him to her chest, sighing.

Shampoo looked at Akane, and shook her head. "Shampoo never wanted it to get this bad… Shampoo sorry, Akane…"

Akane managed to grin despite herself. "It's okay… Really…"

Shampoo smiled weakly, and turned to Mousse. "Shampoo guess she need to apologize to you as well… Things just get worse here for everyone since Shampoo chase Ranma here…"

Mousse sighed, and hugged her tightly, Shampoo hugging her back. "It'll be okay. We'll figure this out," she said. It was a testament to her mental and physical fatigue that the feeling of Shampoo hugging her didn't send Mousse into spasms of joy.

Nabiki looked at Mousse and frowned. "Umm… Shouldn't you be changing back now?"

Mousse blushed, embarrassed. "Um… To be perfectly honest, I look better without my glasses… And since my girl form can see just fine without them…"

Nabiki held up a hand, cutting off further explanation. "I get the idea."

Mousse and Shampoo hugged again, and started to leave, when Happosai jumped up and began nuzzling Mousse's chest.

"Mmm, how soft and cushy! Your boobs are as soft and snuggly as Ranma's!" Happosai said, giggling.

"NYAGH!!" Mousse snarled, grabbing Happosai and flinging him through the hole the other adults had made with their exit.

Mousse glared after Happosai's flying form, breathing heavily. "I feel dirty… I want to go home now…" she muttered.

Shampoo smiled softly. "You come with Shampoo. Shampoo give you nice hot bath…"

Mousse blushed, and let Shampoo lead her out of the dojo.

That left just Nabiki, Akane, and the unconscious Ranma in the house. The two Tendo sisters just stared at each other, and then chuckled weakly.

"Ugh…" Nabiki said, "What a mess this is…"

"Yeah… I just can't believe them…" Akane said, shaking her head.

"You wanna know the saddest part, Akane?" Nabiki asked.

"What's that?"

Nabiki chuckled sadly, "After thinking about, I realized that this is pretty much a normal day for all of us."

Akane winced. "That is sad…"

Nabiki got up and stretched. "I'm hitting the sack. I've had enough for today. You going to bed as well?"

Akane shook her head. "I think… I think I'm just gonna stay here with Ranma."

Nabiki just smiled, one of her rare warm smiles. "We've all changed a lot since the Saotomes showed up…"

"Yeah…"

"You ever wish they didn't come?" Nabiki asked.

Akane smiled thoughtfully. "If you had asked me a year ago, I probably would have said yes. But now…"

Nabiki smiled again, and left the two of them alone.

Akane just sighed, hugging her fiancée lovingly. Things had just gotten stranger and stranger in her life since this gender-switching boy had come into it.

But, as she thought about, she realized that she wouldn't trade any of those moments for anything.

As for this new mess? They'd fix it somehow.

"And if not," she said, thinking out loud, "I still have more than enough hammers to deal with any problems."

_**TO BE CONTINUED...  
**_


End file.
